Most people, upon receiving their Bachelors degree, would not rank "earn a pathetic amount of money, ride endlessly alternating crests and troughs of hope and despair, and subsist primarily on pizza, cookies and watery coffee" high on their list of short-term goals. Remarkably, however, tens of thousands of Canadian graduates opt to do this every year, and enroll in graduate studies.

'Nerd Girl' Dr. Jennifer Gardy. Photo: CBC

'Nerd Girl' Dr. Jennifer Gardy. Photo: CBC

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Those who take the oath of poverty and opt for the ascetic academician's diet of whatever they can scavenge at seminars have a magical journey of 'n' years ahead of them, where 'n' is sometimes a very large number, indeed. They will ultimately emerge — we hope — with some sort of advanced credential, and may accrue other things along the way, including families, academic reputations, and gastric ulcers. And eventually they'll be able to look back on the journey and say "it wasn't really so bad, was it," forgetting about that one time they thought about quitting to become a spy, and those other times when they sat under their desk and cried, and that other time when, well, you can see where this is going.

Really, though, the life of a graduate researcher isn't actually that bad. One just has to go in with reasonable expectations. And by reasonable, I, of course, mean drastically lowered.

You will be earning a pittance, at least to start. Most universities typically fund grad students to the tune of about $21,000 a year, which is about $2K less a year than someone on Employment Assistance receives. This can go up with merit-based awards, however, and is mercifully tax-free, but nevertheless, the realization that you, who are working so hard on that unified theory of such-and-such or a new model of this-that-and-the-other, are vastly out-earned by your little sister with her fledgling babysitting career, well, that's more than a little disheartening. Be prepared to budget wisely, and forego some of the finer things in life, at least for the first couple of years.

For those few measly peanuts, you'll be working hard. You're expected to devote at least 40 hours to your research project every week, which would seem reasonable were it not for the fact that things like coursework, teaching commitments and research group meetings cut into that time. Time management is critical, and setting a plan for the day, a plan for the week, and a plan for the month is the simplest way to ensuring you remain on track. Don't forget to include time at the pub in your plan, though, as congregating for a beer with your colleagues and comparing thesis progress and supervisor stories is really the cornerstone of the graduate student experience.

On the subject of time, I should probably take a moment to dispel the myth that to be successful in graduate research, one must chain oneself to the bench, desk or what have you, and put in 80+ hours a week. This is hooey.

Spending too much time on your project can actually be detrimental — you lose focus on the things in life that keep you grounded, fresh, and inspired, and nurturing that aspect of your life does ultimately result in you doing better work. Also, it cuts into your hygiene schedule and nobody likes a stinky researcher.

One thing you're not taught going into grad school is that it isn't just your ability to do research that will determine your success, instead it's your ability to communicate that research. Grad school sometimes seems like an endless series of PowerPoint presentations, and if you can design one that's clear, engaging, and memorable to your audience, you will be miles ahead of your colleagues. Just as using a semicolon properly will bag you better marks in university, having a cool deck of slides is your ticket to A+s in grad school. Since those A+s are, in turn, the ticket to scholarships, think twice the next time you feel compelled to use Presentation Wizard, eight levels of bullet points, and that stupid clip-art stick guy with the oval head.

Be prepared, too, for disappointments. Yes, there are highs — days when the research gods smile upon you and you get tight error bars and amazing p-values, but there are dead ends and let-downs too. The best researchers don't get bogged down by these, though. They try to understand why things went wrong and what can be done to remedy the situation, and if things still don't work, they're not afraid to change direction and move on. This can sometimes be as drastic as a total change in supervisor and research project, which is more common than you'd expect in graduate school. If you're not happy with your experience and talks with your supervisor haven't improved anything, it is entirely okay to pack up and move down the hall to a new research group whose environment is a better fit for you.

All that can generally be avoided, of course, by doing your proverbial homework in advance of starting a graduate program. Figure out what you want to do and then look for the place to do it, rather then deciding on the place first and shoehorning yourself into whatever project happens to be available. Examine the group's publication record and ask around about their reputation, and after you interview with the supervisor, ensure you spend just as much, if not more, time talking with their students. Try to get a sense for things like working conditions, interpersonal dynamics, management style, supervisor expectations, and the very important question: "How good are this lab's parties?"

The point of grad school isn't to cram you full of knowledge related to one very exclusive area of research; instead it's to develop you into a researcher and equip you with the skills — independence, academic creativity, communication — that you'll need to succeed downstream. Remember this as you embark on your graduate school career, and remember, too, that yes, you should always go back for that second slice of free pizza.

Jennifer Gardy is a researcher at the BC Centre for Disease Control and writes GlobeCampus's Nerd Girl blog.

She offers prospective science undergrads audio advice on what to expect from their first year.