Top 5 stresses of back-to-school
Come September, I have to get five kids out the door, and on time for class. There are three different schools involved, and five different ages and grades.
Despite what that commercial claims, back-to-school isn't the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. At least, not in my household. Here's my top five reasons why:
#5: School lunches
Every Sunday I have to face the School Lunch Assembly Line. Sure, throwing together a sandwich, granola bar, and some fruit or a pudding cup isn't a big deal.
Doing it five times in a row is.
Another problem: there isn't just one prototype lunch for the Assembly Line. One of my kids loves Nutella. Another hates it. Most schools have a ban on peanut butter, and every single one of my kids love it. My 11-year-old likes a baggie of chopped-up carrots for his school snack.
My 13-year-old thinks that's disgusting.
When I pack lunches for my three youngest, everything goes into a lunch bag. But according to my 13-year-old, nobody in grade eight actually uses a lunch bag to carry their lunch. Apparently a plastic grocery bag is acceptable. But all squished up at the bottom of a book bag is even better.
#4: Waking everyone up in the morning
Every summer, my family makes an annual trip to Marine Land. When I wake my kids up the morning of the trip, they're all fully dressed and standing at the door within 3.4 seconds.
Waking them up for school is a completely different story.
Ten minutes after waking everyone up, I'll find a kid staring blankly at the bathroom mirror, half-comatose. In their brain-dead state, eating a bowl of cereal takes twice as long as it should. Sometimes I'll catch one of my kids lapsing back into sleep. With their eyes still open.
I chant the same mantra every morning: "Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, pack your bags, HURRY UP THE BUS IS COMING." Really, I should make a tape and just hit "PLAY" every morning.
#3: School outfits
During summer vacation, it doesn't matter what my kids wear. Mis-matched or missing socks, ripped t-shirts, and jeans with a torn knee are fine for their around-the-house wardrobe. Or going to the park with friends.
But once they go back to school, those torn-up sweat pants aren't acceptable. I don't want to send their teachers an "I'm neglected and unloved by my parents" kind of message.
Which adds an extra stage to the Morning Routine: the "Could you put on something a little less unloved-looking" stage.
#2: Wardrobe malfunctions
My two university-aged children go out of their way to try and buy shoes that are unique-looking, and that nobody else is wearing. My elementary school-aged children, on the other hand, try and pick shoes that everybody else is wearing. Unfortunately, there are only three shoe prototypes for all kids between kindergarten and grade six.
It's a recipe for mix-ups.
All of my kids start the school year with new shoes. And inevitably, one of the younger ones come home with a smaller-sized version of their shoes. Then I have to convince them that no, their feet did not grow a size within that day at school.
And another mother, somewhere else, has to convince her kid that their feet didn't shrink a size.
#1: Homework
The only thing worse than helping my eighth-grade son with his French homework? Helping my sixth-grade son with his math homework.
"10 divided by five. Explain."
"12 times seven. Show your work."
"Eight, five, eleven, six, ten. What's the pattern?"
Even worse: it's late Sunday, right before bedtime, when one of my kids suddenly approaches me.
"Uh, tomorrow is Science Fair. I'm not quite finished my project yet, and I might need a little help."
Which actually means they haven't even started their project yet. And I need to help them produce a volcano, some moldy bread, or a home-made battery in the next four hours.
(Editor: Worried about you kids wearing their "I'm unloved" clothes? Get some tips on cool clothes for back-to-school.)
Tagged with
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KATHY DOBSON 
Comments
Worst one for us: team projects. It's one thing to help your kid with their project but when the teacher insists that they must be done in groups of 2-3-4, it's a nightmare. Arranging meetings around everyone's schedules, not losing your patience when you know one kid is not pulling their weight, dealing with parents that are doing the work for their kid (it's the kids going to school, right?!). It's a great lesson in organization and diplomacy, but it is certainly exhausting...
Agreed! "Group projects" are a recipe for disaster. More often than not it ends up being good for the slackers and bad for the worker bee.
Why are you packing lunches for 19/17/13 year olds? Once in middle school they should have the responsibility of getting themselves up & ready on time or pay the consequences. Doing everything for them only sets them up for failure later in life.
And yes, I do have children in middle school who accomplish this.
Hi Kathy,
I have two boys aged 13 and 7, going to to two different schools at different times - and I thought I had problems catering to the different age demands, 'how to' carry lunches and teh 'dress codes'!
I couldn't have put any better in words than you have - congratulations on speaking on behalf of most mothers!!!
Cheers to the 'All in One Super Creation of God' - the mother!
I certainly sympathize with the Lunchbag Litany and Morning Moans. However, my mother, an elementary teacher, stopped digging my brother and me out of bed and making our lunches at age ten, barring extraordinary circumstances. If we couldn't get up, dress and feed ourselves properly by then, well, it was on our heads if we were late, hungry or treated like slovenly brats.
The key? Unabashed maternal guilt for me - "Don't you want to show respect to your teachers? I'm a teacher, too!" - and a hungry afternoon or two for my brother.
The answer I came up with for the pattern question is: the series alternates decreasing even numbers by 2 and increasing odd numbers by 2 (+8, -3, +6, -5, +4). If the pattern continued, the next number should be 3 (10-7).
I agree with other commenters. Why are you making lunches for your older children? Especially those who are in university.
Actually, you should not be putting Nutella in a school lunch either. Most schools ban peanuts and tree nuts and Nutella says it contains traces of peanuts and is tree-nut based. Save it for before/ after school and weekends. And try not to moan about it when people's lives hang in the balance - there are plenty of alternatives, as those of us with nut allergies have also had to discover through no choice of our own.
back-to-school stressors? how about INCOMPETENT TEACHERS who know that they can't ever be fired, no matter how bad with kids? how about IDIOT and CLUELESS ADMINISTRATORS? how about OPAQUE SCHOOL BOARDS that run themselves like banana republics? please, women, lose the infantalism of lunches, etc.
I have to agree with a couple of other posters here: you shouldn't be packing a lunch for your kids when they're that age. I packed a lunch for myself when I was in grade 4, making me 8 or 9 at the time. And I also packed a lunch for my younger sisters. And if you're packing a lunch for your 17 year old, just forget it. $10 they are trashing the lunch and just buying one from the school or they are at McDonalds with their friends.
I have to agree with the others, too--your kids are too old for you to be making their lunches and getting them out of bed.
Parenting is not doing things for your kids, it's showing them how to do things for themselves. Time for you and your kids to grow up.
Why doesn't the Globe get bloggers who respond to comments? The whole point of a blog is a two-way conversation!
@ Kavita
So does this mean your 13-year-old uses the same lunch bag as mine? i.e. bottom of his book bag, all squished? :)
@ teamwork
I forgot about that particular nightmare! I must have blocked it out.
@ Elaine Morris
Thank you for letting me know about Nutella. You're right, of course. There are plenty of alternatives and I will save it for before and after school and for weekends.
I hit the comments button because I really had to ask...but then see everyone else was asking the same thing....why on earth are you still making all those lunches and getting kids out of bed!?
You probably think you have to since they need it...but they need it only because you've been overparenting!
I know as a mom its important to feel useful but you should not being doing so at your kids expense. Get some hobbies and let them learn to care for themselves!
As a professor, I can identify the overparented kids a mile away. Parents have not done them any favors. You need to raise them into independent, self-sufficient people who aren't leaning on others to do things for them.
I got some real chuckles from your post Kathy, especially having to convince a kid his feet didn't grow a full size in a day.
And wow can I relate to teamwork's post--even with 3 college-age kids (who no longer need me to drive them to meet team members) I get to listen to the complaints because there is always one team member who won't do his/her share.
I have a slightly different interpretation on the lunch fixing situation--I didn't read that Kathy is fixing all those lunches herself, more that she's orchestrating the chaos in her kitchen as the job is being done. That sounds like "togetherness" and "cooperation" rather than overparenting! Kudos to you. As a high school teacher I see too many kids cut loose and forced to be self-sufficient way before they are ready.
Parenting isn't a "one size fits all" issue, and the goal of whatever approach parents take is to raise solid, self-sufficient, citizens. From what I can see, Kathy is doing that.
@ Pam
I couldn’t agree with you more about parenting isn’t a “one size fits all” issue. And you’re absolutely right about the chaos is my kitchen every Sunday night :)
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