Good lord - telling high school students to get their homework done? Packing their lunch?

Parents should cut the apron strings a lot earlier than first-year university or their kids will flounder with the "freedom" granted by profs who don't care whether your report is handed in on time.

I think you have to trust that your kids will do just fine without you know about every aspect of their lives. In fact, in my opinion, many of us are more likely to succeed when left to make important decisions on our own.

My mom -- my hand-holder -- passed away a year before I started my first year and I thought there was no way I could make it without her. But I did. And I didn't just get by, I was pretty successful on my own. My dad helped me pay for school and gave me the odd pat on the back, but we mostly kept the same Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy we'd had my entire life.

I think yours will become adults as soon as you let them.

I wish my mother had asked me that kind of stuff when I was in high school and even university. Granted, I never needed her to tell me to do my homework, but she stopped making my lunches for me when I was nine. Guess that was why, when I moved out, I was never homesick... ever. Well, I missed the cats, I guess.

This whole blog seems to be a mother's slow realization that she's been overparenting, rather than a useful advice column to parents.

How will your kids get by after years of you coddling them, harrassing their teachers over grades, pestering school principals over "mean" (ie. fair) teachers? You must be beside yourself knowing that if you try to pull the same BS now, people will (rightfully) tell you to stick it where the sun don't shine.

I am glad most of you missed the whole idea of this article. To assume she was coddling them, or over-parenting to the "old" age of 17..
Give this article another read and try to see it from her perspective of a mother, not an overseer and what have you.

I agree with most of the other commenters that this is more a post about a parent finally learning to let her kids grow up than anything really to do with university. I think I would have been mortally offended if one of my parents had asked me if I had my homework done by the time I was in grade 5 or 6 - and we had and still have a very close relationship - they are two of my closest friends today and were even when I was a teenager - maybe kids vary, but I can't believe they vary enough for it to be necessary or good to treat a healthy 16 or 17 year old in such a childish way. BUT, no harm done, I bet. People seem to adapt to whatever they grow up with as long as they have a caring family, and if they are leaving childhood awefully late, (and to me it seems like finally entering adolescence) I can still believe that in the long run they'll probably be fine anyway.

Hmm...must agree with most of the other posters here; parents like this are what makes for annoying, babied university students. My parents stopped asking about homework around grade four, not because they didn't love me--they wanted me to learn responsibility.

A much younger classmate of mine was shocked when I said to him, "Well, we are adults," in reference to his comments about my organized apartment. At 21 he said he doesn't think of himself as an adult. I have to say that I'm not surprised as he still lives at home and is constantly checked-up on by his parents.

I've lived on my own since I graduated high school, by myself, in an apartment I pay for by working (while going to university--what a shock!). This lifestyle wasn't foisted upon me by unloving parents, it was introduced to me by parents who believe in my maturity and independence.

My parents are two of my closest friends and always have been. We have a relationship of mutual respect. I can only imagine the childish conversations this blog family must have if this mother is having a hard time not knowing the parents of her university-aged children's friends.

If my parents had told me to do my homework and cleaned my room for me while I was in high school, it would have driven me completely bonkers. I'm guessing I'm not alone. Plus, they would have found my stash! On the other hand, I agree with those who say that the most important thing is to have a warm and loving household, and over-parenting can be annoying but it's not the end of the world (and certainly better than complete indifference).

What is this blog supposed to be? Every friend of mine who has a mother like this one is royally screwed up, and that's no joke. Babying your children into adulthood creates a strain on your relationship with them.

Good God Woman!!!
Why would you think that you have to cater to your child's (now adult) every whim.
The kids will do ok, or not, But you certainly need some help.

My parents stopped helping me with homework around grade 4 or so, but they were still there for me all the other years, asking me at supper how my work was going and telling me to ask them if I needed help. They weren't coddling me or anything, just letting me know that if I needed them they were there. I liked the way it worked for us. I definitely think that what works varies from family to family. Some of my classmates had parents who rarely checked up or offered to help them with schoolwork, and in general they didn't perform as well as students who had more involved parents. Not overly involved, but involved.

I just finished my first university year, which I thoroughly enjoyed - I loved the independence and all. That said, when I came home for the summer, I loved it when mom would pack my lunch for me when she made my younger siblings theirs. I don't think that there's anything wrong with parents doing stuff for their kids (whether in primary, high, or postsecondary school), its just a way to help them.

I think as a first or second year university student that you're just entering the adult world, and still need your parents for at least some things. After those initial years away, you're more or less an adult, at least in my mind.

When it comes down to it, there's no cut and dry right way to view this change, families just have to do what seems right to them.

I question the purpose of this blog. I can imagine being paid for writing about parenting advice, but wouldn't that demand you had qualifications in same?

"Families just have to do what seems right to them"? I think not. You are the master of your home. You need to ensure that teen and 20-something children living in your home contribute, financially, physically and wholly in family life. I set limits for my children. What a bizarre post!
Yes, your relationship changes, but you will always be their parent and they will always need to feel that you have the wisdom of year and experience. If you foot the bills, you have the right to put your foot down, too.

""Families just have to do what seems right to them"? I think not. You are the master of your home. You need to ensure that teen and 20-something children living in your home contribute, financially, physically and wholly in family life. I set limits for my children. What a bizarre post!"

Interesting. I suspect that as soon as your kids can get away from you, they will. There seems to be some assumption in the Western cultures that as soon as "kids" get past a certain ripe age of .. who knows what .. some suggest 16 or so ... that they need to be taught how to be adults by parents no longer seeming to care about or influence what goes on in their lives or school careers. And some "kids" make it well on their own while others flounder. I suspect more flounder than succeed in that kind of environment.

I grew up in Ontario but married someone from the (Christian) Middle East. Many who posted here would think that their culture "babies" children and young adults but I see a culture where children respect their parents and families irrespective of the age of the "children". Parents take a keen interest in their childrens' education, not just in elementary school, but through university, and do what they can to help those children succeed to the best of their abilities. And it's not just with the serious stuff that the family is cohesive. Every party I went to within that community was an all-ages party from the grandmothers all the way to the babies with no pressure to attend but all were made welcome.

Why does it seem to be generally accepted that a necessary rite of passage for teenagers and young adults in the Western cultures is to be alienated from their parents, and yes, it's accepted that they are often surly and disrespectful of their parents? That parents showing care and concern and yes, providing guidance and support for their teen/adult children is somehow seen as weak and interfering on the parents' part.

Maybe there are some different (dare I say better) ways to parent that actually work to help children become responsible, caring adults who contribute positively to the world.

Hey everybody,
Back off!!!
She is clearly writing, about what she is thinking with regards to her 2 university kids ( soon to be adults).Know where did she say she was doing those things.
Any parent who says they didn't feel this way is either full of shit or they shouldn't be a parent.
I for one feel better knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way and wish my Mom would have been this way with me.
Kudos Kathy Dobson!! Keep up the good work!!

I think this was sweet. Awww :)