Condoms? Check. Laptop? Check. Swine flu? Check.
This is the first time in 13 years I won’t be around campus for back to school and, frankly, I couldn’t be more pleased. Yes, I’m a little misty-eyed at the prospect of missing out on the electric atmosphere, the welcome back concerts and events, and the endless free samples of detergent, condoms and power bars handed out by marketing reps, but you know what I’m not sad about? SWINE FLU. Loads and loads of swine flu. Coughy, fevery, diarrhoeay, nasty, dirty swine flu. Everywhere.
If early data from the United States, where school goes back in late August, are any indication, campuses worldwide are going to be veritable cesspools of H1N1 this Fall. As of August 28, the American College Health Association had reported just over 2,000 suspected cases of H1N1 at its 189 sentinel colleges and universities. By September 5, however, the outbreak at Washington State University alone had ballooned to a suspected 2,000 cases. In its first two weeks of classes, WSU saw nearly 1 in 12 students contact a campus health care provider about flu-like symptoms.
There’s no reason to expect the situation in Canada will unfold any differently over the coming weeks, as the September campus is a most predictable beast indeed. There will be close social contact – buses like Tokyo subway cars, undersized and overfilled lecture halls, old friends and new friends coming together at parties, beer gardens and club meetings. There will be immune systems stressed by moves to new cities and the shock of having to return to a normal routine after a summer off. And there will be many, many people who mistake those first signs of illness for the after-effects of last night’s party. A virus couldn’t ask for a better home than the ivory tower come fall, really.
September outbreaks are, therefore, the rule rather than the exception. In 2006, for example, campuses from coast to coast were struck by norovirus, a gastrointestinal bug whose usual modus operandi is to infect cruise ship passengers sidling up to the Lido Buffet for a fifth helping of strudel. Salmonella rears its peritrichous flagellated little head fairly often, as do other more exotic viral illnesses like mumps, which has been appearing on campuses with such regularity in recent years that Ontario’s Ministry of Health started the “Mumps Campus Tour” to vaccinate students against this entirely preventable illness.
Most of these outbreaks are relatively small and well-contained due to the nature of the infectious agents. Pandemic H1N1, however, is a bug of a different colour. One need look no further than the name – pandemic H1N1. This is not something lurking only in the cafeteria’s day-old tray of mac’n’cheese or on the unwashed hands of one especially dirty student. Nuh uh. It’s everywhere, and a run-in is virtually guaranteed. Beyond its ubiquity, H1N1 is distinctly ageist in its infection profile, with students from kindergarten to grad school falling squarely within its sights, and the vaccine won’t be available until well past mid-term exams.
So what’s a student to do? First off, hope your university has a good H1N1 policy in place. There should be clear communication of guidelines surrounding self-isolation (like when to stay home and the importance of avoiding campus events if you’re feeling ill), and universities need to do everything they can to facilitate isolation, from providing private “sick rooms” for students in shared housing to ensuring absenteeism due to illness won’t be punished by docked marks or other penalties. Ditching the doctor’s note policy is important, as most primary care physicians are advising against coming in for a consultation if H1N1 is suspected, and universities need to encourage their professors to adopt distance-learning technologies to ensure that students can still access lecture material if they’re at home in bed with a barf bucket and laptop by their side.
Facilitating hygiene is another critical factor, although having seen the condition of some dorm rooms this one might be a bit of an insurmountable hurdle. Custodial staff need to be cleaning common surfaces (desks, door handles, etc...) more frequently, students should be cleaning their residence rooms more thoroughly than usual, and disposable wipes should be provided to allow people to wipe down things like clickers (those little poll-answer remotes many profs use during lectures) in between classes.
If your campus administrators have been living under a rock since April and haven’t enacted a flu policy, you and your fellow students need to take matters into your own hands, literally. Wash them . Frequently. Not just before a date or after you’ve dissected something in Bio 101. Also, if you have to sneeze, do it into a tissue (which you then throw away) or into the crook of your arm – not into your hands and not on the back of the head of the kid in front of you in class. If you see others sneezing incorrectly, glare at that. Scathing mockery at the hands of one’s peers is a very effective motivator for correcting behaviour.
Above all, if you feel a bout of influenza-like illness coming on, STAY AT HOME and don’t come back until you’ve been symptom-free for at least a full 24 hours. Be kind to your fellow students. They’re already stressed and/or hungover; let’s not add febrile and diarrhetic to that too.

JENNIFER GARDY