Posts tagged with hypothesis.
The astonishing lifecycle of a hypothesis
I am a hypothesis factory.
My function in the lab is to take data from our lab members and collaborators, analyze it using Very Sophisticated and Mysterious Techniques, and return to them one or more neatly packaged hypotheses, which they may then choose to pursue experimentally. I am keenly aware that this is a job that will likely one day be performed by robots, but for the time being I am perfectly happy to fulfill the role of HypothesisGenerator3000 ("Now with sentience failsafe mode! 300 per cent less likely to revolt than previous robots!")
But what happens to my precious little baby hypotheses once I send them out into the lab? Will they soar to great heights, reaching the lofty ideal of a publishable insight? Will they crash and burn, possibly taking some co-workers down with them? Or will they end up in the hypothesis equivalent of wherever it is lost socks go after they wink out of existence in the middle of the tumble press cycle?
Let's find out. Simply follow along with the patented Nerd Girl Scientific Progress Flow Chart and we'll see how science progresses. Or regresses.
0. Woo! Hours of data-crunching leads to potential hypothesis!
0.1. Go to step 1.
1. Gauge boss's response to hypothesis.
1.1. Appears at least somewhat intrigued. Go to step 2.
1.2. Rejects hypothesis and/or rolls eyes/smacks forehead. Doh! Back to step 0.
2. Spend days querying the literature with every combination of search words possible in an attempt to figure out if your hypothesis is truly novel or whether you were scooped in a 1947 issue of the Journal of Economic Entomology. It happens.
2.1. It's novel! Move on to step 3.
2.2. Dangit! Nickels et al already reported on the effect of flooding on larvae of the pecan weevil in the ground! Head back to 0. Or move on to step 3 in probably accurate assumption that nobody on earth except Nickels et al read that article anyway.
3. Spend weeks finding a grad student or postdoc with the experimental know-how and spare time to construct an experiment testing the potential hypothesis.
3.1. Found one! Bribe them with beer and the promise of co-authorship if they do this one little tiny thing for you. Go to step 4.
3.2. Nobody interested. Shelve hypothesis, realizing that it will probably never, ever be thought about again. Go back to step 0 and find a more appealing hypothesis. Or just tack "and it might cure cancer!" onto the end of the existing hypothesis and try step 3 again.
4. Wait months while experiment is completed.
4.1. Still there? Okay, go to step 5.
4.2. Hey, where'd you go? Oh, back to step 0.
5. Observe outcome of experiment.
5.1. Hypothesis proven! Puff up chest and announce proudly at lab meeting. Go to step 6.
5.2. Fail! Attempt to shift blame away from shoddy hypothesis and onto poor experimental technique. Gloss over failure in lab meeting ("It was a learning experience.") and return to step 0.
6. Wait several more months while spin-off experiments related to original hypothesis are completed.
6.1. You're still there? My, you're patient. It's a virtue, and your reward is to go to step 7.
6.2. Moved on to another lab? Kiss first authorship goodbye. If this thing ever turns into a paper, you're going to be somewhere in between the independent studies student and the kid who fills the pipette tip boxes.
7. Armed with data, you are now ready to write up your results for publication.
7.1. Begin Herculean task of writing up. Even with minimal Spider Solitaire breaks, this will take weeks. Go to step 8 when manuscript draft is complete.
7.2. Postpone writing paper, realizing full well if you don't do it now, it will never, ever, ever be done.
8. Wait until next week, when the patented Nerd Girl Scientific Progress Flow Chart becomes the patented Nerd Girl Scientific Publication Flow Chart. In the meantime, cross your fingers Nickels et al retired and won't be reviewing your pecan weevil manuscript.
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JENNIFER GARDY 
