Mission Unfinished: Reflections on an internship in Bangladesh
The strangest part about being back in Canada is that it doesn't feel bizarre at all. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I ever even left, if the four months that I spent abroad were actually nothing more than an incredibly vivid dream.
All the "hard core" travellers I know had warned me about the severe culture shock that I'd experience once I arrived back to a home that, they said, wouldn't even feel like a home anymore. But that's not how things played out - once I got back, I didn't feel out of place in the clean, incredibly well-organized streets and malls, and I didn't feel like something was missing because a thousand smells and noises weren't bombarding me from all directions.
Nothing had struck me as unusual about walking down the street and being stared at, yelled at, asked for money ("Apu [meaning 'sister'], one taka!"), or asked where I'm from ("Madam, which country?").
I didn't find myself aching for the simple pleasure of taking a rickshaw ride around the neighbourhood, I didn't miss haggling over prices at the markets, and I didn't crave the sugary sweet tea that was sold by the vendors at virtually every street corner.
And that's what shocked me. Why wasn't I feeling more out of place? Why didn't I miss the things, the ways of life, that I had learned to love? Instead of viewing this rapid adjustment as a gift, I saw it as an affront to my entire experience: Sure, I have some amazing memories and friendships that I know I'll maintain, and I really did feel like I'd made a contribution to the NGO that I'd been working for. But it wasn't enough - how could I spend four months of my life in such an enormously different part of the world and come back relatively unchanged? I felt like I'd not only let down myself, but also all of the people who had encouraged me to embark on "a life-changing journey."
But, gradually, smaller ideas that I hadn't noticed while I had been waiting for the anxiety and disorientation of reverse culture shock to hit, began to catch my attention: like what a beautiful thing it was to be able to drink water straight from the tap. And suddenly, my bed was the most toe-curlingly comfortable bed in the world. I was now dazzled by the size and almost nonsensical range of selection in supermarkets (have you ever noticed how many bathroom cleaning supplies there are? How many different products do you need to clean a bathtub anyway?). And I couldn't wait to go back to my pre-trip habit of buying a coffee in the morning, knowing that those few dollars could have fed an entire family, no matter how many times I reminded myself that that sort of thinking was irrational and hypocritical.
And bigger changes in my patterns of thought also started to make themselves known: travelling to countries where religion shades almost every aspect of daily life has made me examine my own religious beliefs and question the assumptions about life, death, people, and purpose that underlie them. I make much more of an effort to keep up-to-date about events that are unfolding in other parts of the world, rather than just gobbling down the most easily accessible news stories about North America. These acts alone have both drastically improved my understanding of "global affairs" while at the same time making me realize just how much I don't know (enough to fill a black hole).
And perhaps most importantly, rather than only feeling guilt over the poverty and lack of opportunity that face the people of developing countries, I now feel ownership. I may not be able to solve those problems in their entirety, but that doesn't excuse me from trying to alleviate them.
I'm now working full-time for a management consulting firm here in Calgary, but I spend much of my free time volunteering for local organizations that focus on international development. I'm also considering graduate programs in development studies to prepare for entering a career in the development sector, although exactly what I'll be doing - which specific part within the sector I'll be working in - I have yet to decide.
I've seen for myself the inefficiency, excessive bureaucracy, corruption, and more, that exists within that sector, but its tremendous potential for affecting change and progress (or, in other words, "development") also inspires me in a way that nothing else ever has.
And I realize now that, more than anything, that sort of inspiration is exactly what I'd been looking for, and what everyone who'd supported me on this trip had been hoping I'd find. And the fact that I don't feel like this "mission," my mission, is complete only means that it was successful.
Tagged with
development,
canada,
culture,
shock,
return,
mission,
reflections,
inspiration
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RAKSHA VASUDEVAN 
HELEN HSU 
Comments
Thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights with us. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading along. I think you're an amazing young person who will continue to make an impact on the world in a positive and meaningful way.
Wonderful insight, Raksha. Your analogy of the morning cup of coffee is kind of like my pricing everything these days in multiples of $25 Kiva loans. I think that kind of awareness is what everyone in the world needs. We still allow ourselves a dinner out but now make sure that dinner is shared with someone via a Kiva loan. One person at a time. That's what it will take. Thanks for sharing with us. jan
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