Sex is not like having your foot run over
"I don't want to have sex because our teacher told us that having sex is like having your foot run over by a car!," said the 13-year-old girl.
While I understand the effectiveness of abstinence against sexually transmitted illnesses and unwanted teenage pregnancy, I don't recall a relationship between foot pain and sexual intercourse. Stunned as I was, I could only tell her that sex actually does not feel like having her foot run over ... but it is still good to abstain because it saves her all sorts of troubles and that, if she does have sex, to always use a condom. (Kids reading this back home: Remember, use a condom!)
This is part of what I do here. Along with other peer-youth educators, we run outreach programs that educate adolescents and youths in various slums of Nairobi on topics of sexual reproductive health, relationships, drug abuse, and how to protect themselves. I am working for the Youth Centre of Nairobi, part of a NGO called Family Health Options Kenya (www.fhok.org).
The centre itself is in a slum, but the headquarters made a special effort to create a youth-friendly environment for young people to comfortably spend their time and "hang out," as we would say back home. It has a fitness centre, TV room, library, patio, cyber café, and even a pool table! It also has a VCT (voluntary counselling and testing) centre, where all the people of the community can receive free and anonymous HIV testing, and are provided with pre-and post-test counselling.
The cyber café is also used in partnership with the NGO Nairobits and Viafrica on a program called "Vijana Tufahamike", which means "Youths, let's get informed." It aims to empower youths by teaching them basic IT skills in typing and graphic design with the goal of preparing them for the future.* There was another program here called Binti Africa that empowered women in the community by teaching them the skilled trades of either hairdressing or catering. Unfortunately, the program was discontinued due to funding issues, but hopefully it will restart again in the near future.
These programs initiate a chain of positive impact because they provide a means for youths to earn a living, particularly women. I am starting to understand the pervasive gender inequality that exists here in Kenya. Women seem to live a self-fulfilling prophecy of being less capable than men - where society's beliefs turn into their own beliefs. One direct and simple way to empower women is to empower them financially. Unfortunately, for women that have not received higher education, the easiest product for them to sell is themselves, and many fall into prostitution. A program such as Binti Africa or the Cyber café recruits girls from the local community and gives them something they can offer in exchange for money other than themselves.
One thing I love about this centre is that it is thoroughly Kenyan. (I am the only muzungu [white person] that hangs around here). While they do receive funding from various international agencies, all the work on the ground is done by local youth volunteers. Since they did a great job with creating a youth-friendly environment, there are always young people roaming around the place, whether staring at computer screens or crowded around the pool table. Many of these youths then become volunteers for the organization in areas such as the VCT centre, outreach programs as trainers, or as a techie in the computer labs. Many of them also learn how to write proposals to ask for grants to sustain the place.
This is incredibly moving to me. Back home, I often feel that, while our generation has plenty of resources, the majority remain indifferent toward our communities and those less fortunate. Most of us have more material goods than these youths around me can ever dream of, or will ever obtain. But the great thing is that it doesn't matter. Happiness has no bounds and no monetary value. I witness as much energy and life in my Kenyan friends as in my Canadian friends (or perhaps more, because they complain much less about little inconveniences).
"No scars, no story, no life" is a quote from the book An Imperfect Offering by James Orbinski. It came from Afghani men comparing scars brought on by the turbulent times of their country. I feel the quote applies at this youth centre as well. I am constantly surrounded by amazing individuals who all grew up in the slums, in appalling conditions by Western standards, but all turned out kind, respectful, and joyous. Tough upbringings build tough characters. Everyone has their stories. What's yours?
*In Kenya, technology is just starting to be used. Many people have never touched a computer. Seeing as many of the slum schools don't even have electricity, they obviously don't have computers, nor classes that teach their students about IT.
Tagged with
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SASHA SEARS
ANTHONY LOTT
Comments
Hi Helen,
SOS Children's Village has a couple a really good Vocational Training options in Nairobi.
Perhaps you can contact them to see what the potential is if this training center could be re-opened.
"(Kids reading this back home: Remember, use a condom!)"
Kids should not be having sex.
Why not castrate them all?
Thus reducing the spread of HIV/AIDS, STI's, and pregnancies. They can not afford children so in turn we end up paying for their misfortunes. Today the Word Bank released the fact that they are running dry on money. So am I expected to give my hard-working tax dollars to these people? As a concerned and hard working Canadian, I believe the answer is no.
WTF?
Concerned Canadian... if anyone needs to be castrated, it's you. You do realize that Africa is the way that it is because of colonialism and racism (remember a little thing called apartheid?), right? And you also realize that such a fragmented culture/country cannot be easily "repaired" of its problems simply by the genocide you are suggesting. You realize that castrating everyone would be the end of their people, right? Concerned Canadian, you might as well changed your alias to HITLER. You are an insult to Canadians, and I really hope you never breed.
Helen, good luck to you over there! I wish you all the best! It's great to see someone so willing to help in such a volatile area of the world.
Oh, and I agree with "Disturbed." Concerned Canadian is an idiot.
Ahh...
Nothing like a bit of humanity blowing through the comments sections.
"Kids should not be having sex" says one. Says who I ask? Also, what exactly is a "kid"? It will be different wherever you go. So far as biology is concerned, puberty means reproduce. Social setting determines whether that's workable or not.
As for the last comment "Castrate them all," well the humanity of that speaks for itself. What else can I add?
LOL.
Ahh...
Nothing like a bit of humanity blowing through the comments sections.
"Kids should not be having sex" says one. Says who I ask? Also, what exactly is a "kid"?
================
"Kid" generally refers to children, does it not? Are you advocating children having sex?
This is an excellent column. Nice work.
Dear "Disturbed"
You are a peasant.
In response to a previous comment, please keep your comments respectful and relevant to the posts. Thank you.
Helen! I think the work you are doing is very admirable! It is my dream to be able to help people like that one day, the problem is the lack of time i have...! I think you are making a great difference for those children!
Good luck from a fellow montrealer!
Carl
Appalled, the answer lies in puberty. In advanced societies, puberty means less (other than parents becoming frantic about their children having sex). In less advanced societies, it probably means that "kids" or "children" as you call them start having sex because the same forces that cause the delay of intercourse are not present in less advanced societies. If you don't go to high school, have no hope of university and have to start working to survive at age 12 to 15, why or why would you put off having sex? You're already an adult within the society you find yourself.
Are you beginning to understand?
Remember, even in the west "childhood" and "teenagers" used to not exist.
Anyways...
Good luck with the program. Kenya is having some success in bringing its HIV rate down (something like 6-7%), though it is still very high. However something like 33% of hookers are HIV positive. Scary
I enjoyed reading about your experience.
I recently lived in Kenya for several years and that experience taught me a lot about what it means to be a woman from a society, such as Canada, that is much more excepting of gender equality. I recall going to an office meeting where a nurse was invited to talk to men and women seperately about HIV/AIDS. One young woman in the female group stated very matter of factly that she could never ask a man to use a condom. That really stunned me.
Good luck with all of your work.
Hi all, thanks for the positive feedback, I really appreciate the support.
In response to the use of the term "kids", those who know me in person knows that I often speak in a light-hearted fashion, so I used the word in a humourous manner mimicking the phrase: "play safe kids!"
Of course, children, teenagers, and adults should all be practicing safe sex, at which age one should start is up to their individual choice.
Point of information 1: Many of the children here do start having sex at an age as young as 12, to quote one of my Kenyan friends, "If you have no money, the only thing you can do for fun for free is sex."
Point of Information 2: Of the 217 clients received by this VCT centre in May, 10 were positive, making a prevalence rate of 4.6%. (May not sound like a lot, but 10 is not a number, its 10 flesh-and-blood individuals that walked into the centre and left with their lives changed)
I once had a car run over my foot while having sex.
:p
Awesome story Helen, keep them coming.
Appalled, the answer lies in puberty. In advanced societies, puberty means less (other than parents becoming frantic about their children having sex). In less advanced societies, it probably means that "kids" or "children" as you call them start having sex because the same forces that cause the delay of intercourse are not present in less advanced societies. If you don't go to high school, have no hope of university and have to start working to survive at age 12 to 15, why or why would you put off having sex? You're already an adult within the society you find yourself.
Are you beginning to understand?
=============
Not at all. Your drivel makes no sense. I said a simple thing: "kids should not be having sex".
Why you would want to disagee with that escapes me.
From the editor: This comment has been taken off because it does not fit with Globe comment policy.
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